Given that everyone gave out medical advice over the past year, or at least claimed to be an expert on pandemics, masks, social distancing, and vaccines, one can state your primary occupation as a "doctor" for 2020. Free medical scholarship income for all of your TV education under the General Hospital Residency Program, the Chicago Hope Foundation Grant, or the Dr. Doogie Howser Scholarship Fund. “And you may not know you qualified for the CDC Internship Income Release if you have more than two press conferences or interviews with Dr. Have seen Fauci.
If you are your own doctor in 2020, you can also write prescriptions for some of the editions I have listed. After all, you took an oath to “do no harm” and to fulfill your duties as a doctor. You have prescribed these expenses to your close friends and family members. My advice is to use the back of a Walgreen receipt as a prescription pad and keep it on a foundation of pharmaceutical necessity. Find those receipts with Robitussin or braces so the document has at least some medical legitimacy and use the back to prescribe the new flat panel monitor or Tesla so that everything goes well together.
Who would have thought that by reading my column you could benefit from the myriad free monetary and tax shelters that the IRS won't tell you about? And here you thought the opinion page was for Delton village trustees to get free ad space for their campaigns! If you follow my tax tips, you too will live the life of pandemic luxury without caring for the world and the federal government will owe you money one day. And if you don't believe me, I recommend you take a virtual visit to Dr. Cuevas or Dr. Damask to agree to accept both new patients.
Brian Landers, a former mayor of Wisconsin Dells, writes a weekly column for Capital Newspapers. Reach him at [email protected].
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